One thing we know when working with hurting people is you cannot change someone who doesn’t want to change.
You cannot force a person to behave, believe or do something they do not want to do.
Change HAS to be their decision- their choice.
And while I know we have freedom of speech- the hate, division and hurt we are seeing going on in Facebook and the world around us- isn’t going to change anyone unless the person is open to learning and open to change.
You want the world to change?
I do too.
But can you imagine going to a therapy session where the therapist yells at you, shares memes and twists every word you say-then blocks you when you don’t agree?
I have many family members, friends, Facebook friends, co workers, etc whom I don’t always agree on their political or religious views.
But I love them more than I love the idea of me being right.
I don’t believe spewing hate and arguing is the right strategy.
Ever.
I do believe that sitting down face to face, sharing our experiences and feelings and asking questions brings understanding, growth, healing and yes-change.
Our world right now is in Fight, Flight or Freeze mode.
Our world has Trauma.
Years and years of trauma.
And the only way to heal trauma victims is by helping them feel safe, valued, loved- and giving them time to process, learn and grow.
Ask questions in love.
Ask them if they want to change?
And if they dont – ask them what they are afraid of.
Don’t blame.
Don’t shame.
Quit demanding change and do the hard work to make it happen- in humility, grace and the time it needs.
And if healthy boundaries are needed for you that’s totally fine. But don’t put them up in hate. That’s too heavy of a load to carry.
What I have come to know is that quite often when I am helping someone else grow and change- it’s also ME who needed some work done as well.
Our attitude, our voices and our actions can be used to create healthy change or used to do more harm.
Which one are you?
